Warped
“..living as a captive of destiny or not is something each person decides for oneself, so I think there is no one right answer…
..supposing that I accepted ah, this is my fate, it would probably be a little boring since I won’t feel any drive. Then I wouldn’t be able to grow, I wouldn’t be able to be visited by good encounters either. There really isn’t any meaning to things like that. So, I think that living a life where I believe in myself and am not influenced or bewildered by other people’s words is fine…”
Article: “Destiny”, Domoto Tsuyoshi (Wink Up 2009)
Credit: mangenhougo @ LJ
Of course, one has to be a real narcissist like Tsuyo to continue on living with a strong believe in just your own self while disregarding other elements.
What he says is true, some of it at least.
Choosing which Fate or Destiny that I’d want to believe in sounds like a good advice for others, but let’s just say I’m not strong enough.
No Internet at Home T_T
Modem got struck by lightning last night T___T A lot of KK new appearances to download. Subbed Hey!3 with KAT-TUN is almost coming out too. Sigh. How long will I have to wait lah?
Am at the office btw, stealing time to read LJ. Tsuyo proves yet again why KK’s Only fans are idiots. Stop hating them and start feeling the love, baby, feel the love!
Lol at Farah and Mish. Nyeh… I don’t think I’m like this because of JE. I jsut rarely show that side of me to everybody else. It’s more like I don’t normally tune into that spazzy side of me, don’t I? This sometimes get triggered by certainpeople: most notably Sugizo, Yara and at times Dongwan.
Oh! Oh! The new heroine for Endless Shock is Sato Megumi (what a shock!) who acted as that bitchy Sakurako in HanaDan. GRRR. She gets to work with Ko-chan and Yaracchi!!
AND WHATTHE.. MOTHER OF ALL SHOCKS! Tohoshinki will be guesting on Domoto Kyodai in March?! WTF?! I just hope to God that those fans of theirs don’t suddenly go liking or hating KK.
Malnourished. Dying, dying.
I’ve hit a dead end with Kpop. This glass wall has been blocking my way and it’s been going on for months now… Most probably had been built right after Shinhwa’s concert. I could try to smash my way through or find hidden latches or steps to climb over this hulk of a blockage.
But when I look across to the other side beyond the glass, the sparkle seems to have dimmed.
I can see it. I can hear it. Yet the warmth doesn’t pull at me anymore. No longer beckoning.
I turn around and there stands the encompassing mass of J-ent. Within an arm’s reach from where I’m standing from.
Can I just please take a breather? It’s very tiring to keep up with the younger generation from that tumultous side - mainly the shining light of neo-Kpop, Big Bang, Wonder Girls, Super Junior and so forth. Funny how I don’t even tingle when I speak their names.
I’ll. Just. Sit down right here by the edge of the precipice with the semi-cold wall at my back - There, right there. Aah.
Once there’s that glimmer of hope again, someday, perhaps I shall rise back up and rejoin you.
Slow Baby Steps
What a slow start for the new year… The long holidays sure drag your mood along, ne? Asyik tiduuuuur je. Eat, sleep, Internet. Oh my gawd, my life is so ‘exciting’ =__=
All I’m looking forward to in January is MUCC’s new single. Sheesh. Wth is happening to the Jrock world?? So friggin boring.
First day of work in 2009 pun as if takde challenge. Not like I’d want to be challenged anyway. Huhu.
LAZY BUM!
Let Me Rephrase That…
Yeah twinnie, you had me thinking about my most repeatable Shinhwa song. I kinda felt guilty and tak puas hati for not having an absolute answer to it. However, setting out my mind by naming only one or two or more songs as my utmost forever-listenable-song and conforming to that fact would make me call myself a liar.
Hmm. Probable explanations to this would be that I can’t think of any at that time. Or I couldn’t remember the titles. Or I like too many to come up with a few without thinking rationally. Perhaps…
My best reason? I guess I’ve always been the sort of girl whom regularly flits from one artiste to the next too easily. My music is always in-the-moment, at-that-exact-moment and constant-listening-right-at-that-moment. I’ll have a certain album/song/artiste that I’d like and I’d bury myself deep by frequently listening to only that obsession.
But when something else catches my fancy, then I’d as easily jump onto a different obsession. And maybe, maaaybe, all the songs that I like would be exchanged with another.
It takes a couple of reminiscing to finally get back into a certain moment. That’s why you hear me say things like “I haven’t been listening to them for a long time” which would then lead to “I feel like listening to them again” or “I feel like listening to their whole discography ALL OVER AGAIN!”
I’m really not kidding when I say I haven’t been listening to any certain band for a LONG time. Coz I’d have been busy-ing myself with something other than Shinhwa… or Luna Sea. Or any other bands that I say I’m in love with. Har har.
Yet no matter what, these two bands affect me pretty differently from any other favourites. They’d still be the ones who can time-warp me back to that exact same moment when I first giddily heard their songs. 
A healthy dose of…
A healthy dose of vacation - that’s what I’m badly in need of. As soon as my workload’s been shuffled to juniors so I can get a bit off my shoulders (hopefully).
Been daydreaming of Europe for quite a few months. Although I should, honest to God, be saving up for Seoul instead of Paris or Vienna or Roma or Nice or London! Am nowhere near 3/4 of money for that trip. Guh.
I guess anywhere near and cheap(er) would suffice for now?
a. Singapore - sight-seeing since no time was spared during 2006 visit,
b. Jakarta - again, mostly sight-seeing and throw in a lil bit of shopping,
c. Bandung - the weather! cool temperature may help to shop wiser :P,
d. Kuching - just because I’ve not gone to Borneo before,
e. a train ride to Bangkok - if that’s even possible,
f. Bangkok - last choice actually coz of the abundance of stray dogs >_
We’re All In The Same Boat
Jess, Michele, Kak Bailah, Fel, Nwar and Tasha pointed out during Jzune’s birthday party last night of how short a time since we met and then eventually becoming this close group of friends: give or take 2 years. Wow. It felt like we’ve known each other for far longer…
Jzune kinda opened my eyes yesterday when I saw how she was among her college friends. She was slightly different than how I’ve viewed her and apparently when she’s around our group of ‘Kpop friends’ all this while. *sheepish smile*
It isn’t exactly my first time encountering my friends’ friends but I still feel awkward to find a mutual level of comfort with their friends. Although, this happens rather infrequently. Because naturally, to avoid misunderstandings and conflict of interests, you don’t go around matching up a clique of close friends with another clique of close friends.
Do you? No? Somehow it’s as if I’m hording vital information from all my friends by ‘categorising’ myself into separate molds whenever I switch between these different sides. At times I just prefer to be by myself than having to split my life and personality, in order not to favor too much to one group (so that the other group doesn’t feel betrayed). Does this make me selfish?
By the way, please tell me that there is someone out there who is also annoyed that his/her Friendster login page now automatically loads in Bahasa Melayu. wtf.
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Cascade
If only I could blame the kopi ais I had for lunch as the reason of my fucked up life.
Coffee kills my braincells, leaves me mentally imbalanced and physiologically burnt out. It sometimes causes me to become emotionally unstable (albeit agitated) where I could either turn hyper or spiral downwards into surliness.
I was already a tad moody because most of my work was still not settled. Then the bloody stuff wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do (GRRR!!). I know it was obvious how it looked like I was ignoring him, eventhough I couldn’t really process my thoughts properly when I’m an emotional wreck. Of course, I’m always skittish around him. But…
When it happened, I couldn’t fathom his reaction much less his feelings to what I did. I just somehow felt how my callousness severed the invisible thread between us. That was when my system totally crashed down. Could barely think rationally after that.
Yeah, this is probably one of those rare days when I feel very bad for being a stuck-up bitch. But even so… Why do I care? Why? Why do you affect me so? How did you manage to get under my skin that quick?
Slowing down
Sorry I haven’t been updating much in here or FB. I seriously don’t know how I lived my life lately until I felt too tired after work to even open my PC. Gosh, not even the idea of downloading Dongwannie’s performances could rouse me to escape from the bout of laziness that hits me in the evenings.
Right after the trip to Kedah for my cousin’s wedding last weekend, I’ve been so so malas to go online. Stress combined with an urge to finish the book I’ve been procrastinating (and i’m in the final few chapters now *whew*) would probably extend until a few weeks more. Mian.
Of course, I can still make time for eat outs with my loved ones ^^
Ranting Overkill
First of all, I’d like to thank my friends who’ve been really supportive and caring. Thank you to you, you and you. You know who you are ;D
Wilting away
“Heart of a Kpopper, soul of a Jrocker.” - I never thought I’d reach such a bleak point in my life.
My Heart is wilting. Unsustained. Uncared for.
The fire’s almost snuffing out. I stare at it, motionless, my mind clutching at the memories; Resilient to never forget the warmth that used to encase the jaded heart. Yet never stoking it. Not once do I stoke the dying flame. Finding no will to salvage it.
A sense of dread befalls me as the fire flickers out.
I try to stop my restless Soul from leaving the lifeless shard of my broken self. Empathy assailing Its cruel judgment to flee.
What’s left of it? Gathering the ashes into my cupping hands, a small thought niggles into my head: I am not alone. I still have them.
A cure? No. Not a cure. A balm to sooth the burnt edges. The only balm that can redeem my acceptance of Kpop.
They have and always will be my heroes.
Jaya Sect 14 to be demolished?!
Read! The Star Metro, 05 January 2008.
I am surely one extremely ignorant Petaling Jaya citizen to only just realise that my good old hangout joint will soon be a pile of rubble. I practically grew up living in that mall (literally).
Jaya Supermarket happens to be the first shopping complex in PJ (goly!) and was THE place where my father would drag our family to for grocery shopping (back when Cold Storage was still affordable), toy hunting (remember Kathy’s Toys? Gosh, that was my haven!), book hunting (my love of books was nurtured there) and then Daddy would spend hours in the music store listening to oldies. During my teens a lot of shops had changed. Of course, by then Jaya was pretty much cursed with ever-changing tenants. Except for Cold Storage (well, duh), the watch shop and the DIY shop which were covered in the news article.
Lemme see.. There was this quaint CD shop when I was 16 where I bought my first Luna Sea album after saving up my pocket money (the cashier was gaping at all the coins and RM1 notes). There used to be The House of Chicken Rice with yummier nasi ayam than Chicken Rice Shop’s.. And what about Delifrance? Secret Recipe? Oh, and Famous Amos Cookies which I’d stare at longingly as a little girl.
Boy oh boy, those were the days.
It’s said that the replacing slab of concrete will be housing a cineplex. Ooh.. GSC? TGV? Sounds too good to be true. Haha.. Maybe Lotus Pyramid Saimira. What a sure fire way to make the blasted traffic jam there even worse.
gaining through losing
In one zodiac (Chinese and Western) reading I did, it said that chances and opportunities lay abundant in 2007 and decisions -life changing decisions- had to be made for a better future. And I’m happy that I took up those challenges! *pats own back*
Well. 2007 has passed. And what a year it was.
—-
The Good
1. Work: Yep. I finally got rid of all my insecurities by getting myself a job.
2. Family: 16ppl in a big loving family. It really grew with the addition of my stepmom with her 3 children (+1 bro-in-law, +1 future-sis-in-law) and my sister’s fourth child The Bad
1. Health: Gained so much weight ever since I started work T_T. More stress, more tired and I can see grey hair… >_The Ugly
1. Friendship: (a) Lembu = The Devil Incarnate. The catalyst of all ruined trust.
(b) Lipas = Never trust someone so completely until you’re blinded.
—-
Yes, I’ve gained a lot through losing half of my former life. But I raised myself up from that slum. And I sure as hell won’t feel bad for the things I had to do to get to my goals.
Carpe Diem, people. Let’s usher in the new year with lots of love and hope.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wtf?! gah!
i’m so friggin’ pissed off. i’m SO blardy pissed off at the world right now. and i don’t even know why. dagnammit! why..? Why? WHY?!
5. i’m 24 years-old and my status is still Single,
4. are you familiar with the term ‘Blardy Pokai’? (no? well, get used to it),
3. my life feels so inadequate (i mean wtf am i supposed to do with my life, man?),
2. i feel so blardy unappreciated,
fuck this man! i feel so insecure these days. and the damn thing that really ticks me off is this:
1. i lost all my Photoshop brushes and textures in last weekend’s reformat!!! shit lah shit lah.. i totally forgot to backup my CS materials. now i’m so malas to go find them all over again.
tuber-licious
another food entry! why? because i’m damn hungry, that’s why 
or maybe the coffee’s gotten to my braincells.
look! a new category-tag! puahahhahahahahaha
guess what i can smell right now?… mashed potato!
pergh. i want the mashed potato from Marche. or from Chilli’s. but no moneyh. HOW.
i can’t stop sniffing it in. i even had to mentally scold myself to stop make the sniffing sound/act too obvious. nyaaaa. either that or someone’s eating something soupy in the pantry (hey it rhymes .-.) which kinda reminds me off the radish soup at HUKM. i miss that great tasting soup!
maybe i’m crazy, but i’ve always believed that i have an acute sense of smell. but it only applies to food. hahaha. ei really lah, i can identify the smell of food from far ok. i’m sure you’ve noticed how i almost always suddenly wring out comments that i can smell something cookin’ eventho i’m kilometres away from any sight of makanan. it’s a miracle! :DD
today is also the last day for Kak Su, hyung’s colleague/bestfriend at Oracle. so many people passed by her cubicle (just across mine) saying sayonara and ranting about her weird boss.
eep. me ish also going to leave next Thursday, so siapa lagi yang nak mengunjungi hyung’s desk? Y-Y
